I AM Liz Lemon

Anyone who knows me knows that I am truly, madly, deeply, unquestionably in love with Tina Fey and her show 30 Rock. And, if you know me well, AND if you watch 30 Rock, you will know that I AM Liz Lemon. It’s insane the parallels that I (and my family members!) can draw between my personality and hers. Unfortunately, it’s not usually the funny, witty, or charming quirks that hit close to home…it’s usually the peculiar idiosyncrasies’ that make others uncomfortable and uneasy. Yep, that’s me. That’s why I’m sitting alone at home typing about Liz Lemon while watching old episodes of 30 Rock on Netflix!

“…but then I remembered, you don’t LIKE to have fun!” –Clair (staunchly in favor of Cocoa Puffs)

I AM NOT FUN. There, I said it, I admit it!! I am a wet blanket! Nay, I am Frank and Toofer’s Yale sweatshirt fart dampener!! I suck all of the fun out of everything! If it involves noise, laughing, getting dirty, messing up my hair, or *gasp* getting wet-I’m OUT!! I hate anything that requires bathing suits, anything that requires any type of helmet, anything that requires skill or dexterity, and anything that requires me TALKING to people!! Order, rules, cleanliness! Those are MY ideas of fun!! I thrive in a well-organized, non-chaotic, scheduled environment with calm people who know the hierarchical order and abide by it. I enjoy looking at various photos of hairstyles on the interwebs (after all, you hair is your head suit!), cooking sub-par, slightly edible food and run-walking endlessly on a treadmill to nowhere. Mediocrity is my life, and I live it to its fullest potential!! My husband is the fun one; he tickles the kids, lets them make messes, lets them stay up late…he is my Dennis Duffy, goofy, off kilter (and more than a little off-color), but understanding and accepting of me. He provides the perfect counter balance to my anal retentive personality; he is the cheese to my macaroni!

“Everyone here has their role, I’m the hot blonde and you’re the RA.”-Jenna

“Only if RA stands for Really Awesome!”-Liz

I have a confession to make. No, I wasn’t an RA in school, but I was a nerd. I was the responsible one. All of the teachers loved me. All my friend’s parents adored me. All of my boyfriend’s parents wanted me to be their daughter in law (which may be why they always ditched me for my funnier, prettier friends!). If my friends wanted to go out their parents would say, ‘only if Melissa is going’…if my friends did something wrong their parents would say, ‘why can’t you be more like Melissa’…well, as you might have guessed, this didn’t help my social life any. In elementary and junior high, it was no big deal, but by high school I was pretty well labeled as a geek. Nobody wanted to hang out with me-I was the good girl, the RA, the “mom”; and in the illustrious words of Frank Rossitano, “Who wants to drink with their mom?!” This meant I had a lot of lonely Friday and Saturday nights in front of a TV (and it continues to this day!). Yep, I watched TGIF-Full House, Perfect Strangers, Boy Meets World-read Stephen King novels, and formed my life-long love of Cops all during these formative years. I have to say that may be why I am the way I am, or it could be genetics, whatever.

“Have you been eating well?”-Liz’s doctor

“No, but I’ve been eating A LOT!”-Liz

Ok, so I am not a big eater, but, my diet does consist of most of the same foods that Liz’s does-JUNK FOOD! I love chocolate, chips, comfort foods, pizza…oh, I’m so hungry! Unfortunately, I am not a good cook, and I don’t have the budget for eating out everyday, so this is something I hope to remedy-yes, I am really trying to learn to cook! Luckily I have a house full of guinea pigs with a knack for giving honest and open feedback (especially when the food is bad!).

“I am a Jedi!”-Tracy Jordan

Our family is a family of nerds. Maybe not Star Wars nerds; comic books, video games, super heroes, technology- THOSE are what we nerdgasm over!! Especially Superheroes!! Just this summer we visited Metropolis-home of Superman! We drove 30 miles an hour for 5 hours out of our way in a broken van in the middle of the night to get there just to celebrate the giant statue of Superman! If that doesn’t make us nerds, I don’t know what else would!! Each year my husband and my older boys go to Chicago Comic Con and they have a blast. I have never been invited-it’s always been “boys only”…hopefully one of these days I’ll get to tag along, although, if you read above, I’m not much fun, so maybe that’s why I’ve been left behind! I would probably spend all of my time arranging all of the comic books by alphabetical order, dusting off the figurines and straightening the characters costumes; you know, embarrassing MOM things!!

This year I am going to try to find an equilibrium between all of these ‘Lizbeanisms’ and being a fun, well liked person that people enjoy hanging around. Hopefully, I will find a great way to do so without losing this bubbly, charming personality that I have spent years cultivating!

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3 thoughts on “I AM Liz Lemon

  1. While it’s true that you don’t like to have fun, your “Lizbianisms” make you who you are and I married you because I love you! You’re MY wet blanket. 🙂

    …and you HAVE been invited to Wizard World at least twice and it is you who has insisted that it remain a “boy thing”. 😉

  2. Hello!
    This is not a joke. I am writing a book about my experiences as Liz Lemon and I am almost finished it.
    I have one section called When God gives you Liz Lemon, make Lemon-isms. This section is a collaboration of articles and blogs from other people who also feel they are Liz Lemon.
    I have written a paragraph about you in my book. I would also like to use your Liz Lemon look-a-like picture in a fan page dedication. I would like you to write a bit of information about yourself for the picture.
    If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at mayaturtle@hotmail.com.
    Sincerely,
    Melissa Punti

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